Alone I Walk, Together We'll Run

"Therefore... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." - Hebrews 12:1

Today I went jogging with my sister. I am not a runner. Between asthma and bad ankles it just never seemed like a good fit :p But every now and then I forget and will try a mile or two. My fifteen year old sister, Candice, had been jogging for the past few weeks and she kept talking about this awesome route that she and her friend had been jogging. I was inspired. And when I'm inspired I have to do something... so we decided to go running together :D

1/2 mile... I'm feelin' good!
1 mile... Whew, I got this.
1 1/2 miles... Why did she pick the route with the most HILLS!?
2 miles... So this is what dying feels like =p

I was not doing well. In fact, I was pretty sure I was dying at 2 miles. The route she had planned was 5 miles long! No shortcuts. No turning back. 5 MILES.

As I looked ahead, half way up the hill, I realized that Candice was almost to the top. At that point something inside of me snapped. I just gave up. I had been telling myself for the last mile to just push on. I was even listening to worship music on my ipod with lyrics like "I'm chasing after Jesus" and "We are gonna run this race for the weak" but that didn't help either! (cheesy I know...) Seeing her (my LITTLE sister for goodness sake!) so far ahead of me was just so disheartening. After a minute or so, she looked back and saw that I was reeeeally far behind her and walking. She turned around and ran back to see what was going on. I told her that I wasn't doing well and that I didn't think I could go the rest of the way, so I was going to turn around. She wouldn't hear about it! She gave me some encouragement and then I started jogging again. Again, she got ahead of me. Again, I started to walk. Finally, she came back and was like, "Seriously, are you ok?" (silly question... we were working on the third mile, NO! I was NOT OK!!!!) I told her how exhausted I was, how much pain I was in, yada yada yada. Her answer? "You CAN do this. I'll stay with you. Lets set goals, like to make it to that stoplight, and then once we get there we can set new ones, ok? You got this!" I was amazed at her patience. I was grateful for her sweet words when I was expecting something more like, "You are soooo lame." As we jogged (and sometimes walked) the rest of the way together there were moments when I wanted to give up, but whenever I did I would say to her, "Candice, I'm not feeling good... I don't know if I can make it!" All she needed to say was, "Yes you can. I'm here for you. Press on!" and for the most part, I would get a new burst of energy and keep jogging towards the next goal. Then it hit me. This is such a great picture of the Christian walk and community!

The Bible often compares our spiritual journey to a race or exercising, and today I saw how realistic this is! Running is hard... and, especially when you haven't done it before, running alone can be even harder. In fact, when breathing becomes difficult and your legs feel like lead, only the very disciplined can keep on keepin' on. That is why having a partner is so helpful- they can give you the encouragement you need and the accountability to keep running even when it gets tough. And all this is true in spiritual terms! The spiritual journey can get tough. REALLY tough. And few can handle the pressures alone. Because of this, many people give up... they start walking, or even turn around. That is why community is so key to the Christian walk. We NEED each other to build one another up when we need the encouragement, to hold one another up when we think we are going to fall. We can run so much farther with brothers and sisters in Christ encouraging us to keep up the good fight!

I wouldn't have finished the 5 miles today if I didn't have Candice there to push me to my physical limits. I wouldn't be where I'm at spiritually if certain people hadn't been a part of my life to push me to my spiritual limits. Thanks to Candice, I have set the goal to run a 10k some time within the next 2 months, and she is going to help me and be the support I need. Thanks to Jesus, I will keep on running the spiritual "race marked out" for me with perseverance. But not alone. I will stand along side my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as we all continue to pursue the path or righteousness with undivided hearts! Praise the Lord for the great blessings he has given us in the Body of Christ!

God Transforms

Whew! These past three months have flown by! I didn't even realize how long it had been since I had posted :p But the time has been so incredible, because God has been showing me so much!

I started attending Theology Lab (my college group, Kaleo's mid-week biblestudy) in mid-January and have been so blessed! We are finishing up Tim Chester's You Can Change: God's transforming power for our sinful behaviours and negative emotions this week. WOW! I have been joyfully broken as my heart has been dissected and shown for what it really is - "black as Hell" (Horatius Bonar), and yet I have hope. For though, "I am more sinful and flawed than I would ever dare admit... at the same time I am more loved and accepted than I would ever dare hope," (Tim Keller). Isn't that so incredible! Romans 8:29 says, "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." It is so amazing to be able to claim that verse as a chosen child of God. I was predestined by the Father to be shaped and molded to be like Jesus Christ! I will continue to be sanctified and grow in Him until the glorious day I get to go and live with Him in Heaven.

Now, the basic premise of the book was how to allow God to transform your heart and so live a life glorifying Him with your emotions and behaviors. But the area I struggle with is letting God do the changing. I am prone to legalism. I want you give me a set of rules to follow, and then I will try very hard to do as they say on my own strength. It doesn't matter if I fail, thank you very much, but I got this and I don't need help... Or so my wicked heart likes to think. But Chester likes to point out that we can't do it by ourselves. That is why we decide to read books like You Can Change. We know that there is a standard and we are not meeting it. So we try to fix our sin issues with setting rules, making resolutions, etc. But the Bible makes it clear that by trying to live a "good" life on our own will get us nowhere. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." It is only by Christ grace that we are saved. As children of God there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more or less!

Chester points out, "Grace is so simple to understand and yet so hard to grasp. It's not its complexity that makes it difficult. The problem is that we seem to be hard-wired to think we must do something to make God favourably disposed towards us. We want to take the credit." Think about how ugly that is. We want to take the credit for what Christ has already done. By trying to prove ourselves by our good works, we're saying, in effect, that the cross wasn't enough. Chester gives an amazing picture when he gives this imagery: "On the cross Jesus cried out: 'It is finished.' Imagine yourself answering back: 'Not quite. I need to finish the job. I still need to win God's blessing. This is ridiculous and insulting." Who do I think I am? God came to this earth as a man, lived a perfect life, died, and rose again so that sinners like me could receive grace. He endured more sufferings than any man has ever endured before or since as he held a perfect, clear conscience before God in one moment and then suddeny bearing the sins of the world was rejected by the Father and felt His wrath poured out upon His body. (Matt. 27:32-54) No one can fathom that. And yet I often say, "That wasn't enough" with my actions. It was enough! It was so beyond enough! My thankfulness to God for making me one of His children is inexpressible as I think of what I am saved from, and where my salvation will take me. The Lord snatched me from the fires of Hell to live with Him in all His splendour and glory forever and ever. Amen!

The only way to change, the only way to grow to be more like Christ is to focus on the gospel. I love how C.J. Mahaney points out in his book Humility, "There is only one thing I know of that crushes me to the ground and humiliates me to the dust, and that is to look at the Son of God, and especially contemplate the cross... Nothing else can do it. When I see that I am a sinner... that nothing but the Son of God on the cross can save me, I'm humbled to the dust... Nothing but the cross can give us this spirit of humility." We have to let our hearts become broken over our sin. It is only when we see how great the glory of the cross is and what Christ did there do we even begin to grasp just how great our sin is!

This study has caused me to completely rethink my sin and how it relates to the cross. There are many reasons not to sin... It has a negative impact on you, it hurts people around you, etc. But most importantly, it grieves the heart of God. I know I will struggle with sin for my entire life, but I am so grateful that Kaleo did this book, so that I was able to realize that I am suppose approach sin leaning on Christ rather than my own strength! With the Spirit's help, I'll not forget it!

Door of Faith

BRING ME HOPE RETREAT 2010

DOOR OF FAITH ORPHANAGE

THE DUMP

The Sunday after Christmas I went to Door of Faith Orphanage with all my Bring Me Hope friends for the retreat. What an awesome way to spend a retreat- others focused! We got to put on a camp (memories of China flooded back!) for about twenty of the one hundred kids that live there. DJ and Lynette, the on-sight administrators of the orphanage, are so wise and have created a Christ-centered refuge for the children there. DOFO has three main priorities that make it different from most orphanages in Mexico. I copied and pasted them from the website (dofo.org) because they are so good! They are:

Family: To provide family atmosphere for the children. They see the traditional family as the ideal model and want their children to experience all of the stability, love and guidance that comes from that.
Education: To prepare their children for life after Door of Faith. They want their children to have a strong education so that that when they move on from the orphanage they can be healthy and productive members of society.
Community Service: To live Christ’s example of a life of service. They want to give back to the local community through service, outreach and compassion. To love their neighbor as ourselves.

These three things, with a Biblical foundation, have made this orphanage what it is! The staff clearly loves the Lord with their whole heart and are doing an incredible job at loving the kids and raising them to be strong, fruitful members of society. I was so amazed by their wisdom in how to care for, provide, and raise up one hundred children! They are more than just doing it... they are doing it well, and giving God all the glory!

On the second to last night DJ took the time to sit down with our team and give us some advice. As a group of people committed to being involved in missions to one degree or another we were, of course, ecstatic. He told us two things that stood out to me in a big way.

The first was that, "You can't be something on the mission field that you haven't already lived out and practiced at home." What a good reminder that you aren't going to magically become someone who you aren't when your situation changes! I see myself thinking something along that line every now and then. I say to myself that I will learn to serve with joy when I am married; I will learn how to say, "Yes!" when all I really want to say is "NO!" when I am a mother. But the thing is, life doesn't work like that. God is using the circumstances and people in my life right now to teach me those kind of lessons, because they are lessons to be learned! Praise God that he loves me enough to constantly be conforming me to "the image of his son" (Rom. 8:29). It is nothing but pride to think that I will all of sudden get everything right when I am married, or a mother, or on the mission field. I am so thankful to God for using TJ to remind me of that!

The second thing he said was that, "Tragedy in the world's eyes is opportunity in God's eyes." And this was coming from a man with experience. He told us that, on average, DOFO is confronted with two major spiritual attacks a year. Whether it is a child dying, dissension among the staff, a natural disaster in the area, hard situations in a staff member's hometown, etc. Satan likes to hit them hard. And yet, He could honestly testify to God's grace and mercy in their lives, and praise him for what he has taught each of them and how each situation has impacted DOFO. It was so incredible to heart him say that!

On the last day we got up at 5 a.m. and drove about an hour to make/serve Breakfast at a church that faithfully feeds breakfast to around one hundred children six days a week. These children live on a dump. Some with their parents, some without. They make an average of $5 a day off gathering recyclables and turning them in. My heart broke as I saw these precious children hungrily wolf down as many plates of eggs and tortillas their tummies could fit because they could not be sure if they would get lunch or dinner that day. I spent a few minutes talking (with my small Spanish vocabulary) to two sisters and trying to get the embarrassed younger one to eat. I did the classic airplane-into-the-mouth technique, and her face lit up as I made funny faces and tried to sound like a jet. I felt so glad to have made her smile :)

After breakfast was over, we went outside and some of the kids decided to show us where they lived. The community has taken thousands of tires and used them as stairs, barriers, and anything else they can think of. Grass and plants have sprung up in the dirt that is in and around the tires, causing them to almost become a part of the hills. The slopes are covered in garbage and their homes are made out of everything from garage doors to sheets of metals. If it can be used to provide shelter, they are utilizing it. But beyond all that I saw something that most people wouldn't expect. Joy. As we played jump rope and "futball" with the children, it was clear that they were having a good time. We spoke to some men who attended the church and the smiles on their faces were so BIG! The men were actually in the process of slaughtering a pig, and thought it was great sport to watch the sheltered American's faces as they cut it's head off! I will spare you the gory details... ;-) These people don't have much beyond the bare necessities of food and shelter, but when it comes down to it they were happy. Seeing things like that give me little faith in the American standards for happiness- money, position, and things. Why would you waste time, money, and effort pursueing those worldly things when there are people who are living on $5 a day and are content?! It has been years since I realized that I don't want to live an average American life, and being with these beautiful settled the fact. I went hoping to bless them... but (like what usually happens when I go on a missions trip) they blessed me in a much bigger way. I will never forget those children or their families who, despite living on a garbage heap, have found joy <3>

Christmas!

Christmas was so wonderful! We kicked it off with a family get together on Christmas Eve, and the event was blissful. Aside from opening presents (need I mention how fun that is???), we had a beautiful time of family worship, Scripture reading, and prayer. Daddy worked it out so that we took turns reading a passage out of the Bible about the birth of Christ and then we would sing a Christmas song. It was so special to re-focus together as a family and meditate on the reason for the season. It was a classic Harow/Varnell get together with lots of loud kids running around (OK! Maybe that was just the Varnell half...lol ;-) and I couldn't help but feel joy in my heart! How I love my family! I am so blessed to be a part of each of their lives!
I am so grateful to God for sending his son as a newborn babe to grow up and take upon himself the sins of the world. It fills me with awe and wonder. And I don't just feel that way at Christmas. That is a wonderful part of being a follower of Jesus Christ- you can be excited about his birth any time of the year! And I am going to use that as an excuse for why I just changed my Christmas blog music today...lol just kidding :-D
Christmas went down without a hitch and we all woke up to find precious notes from Mom in our stockings... she is so faithful! She is trying to make it a tradition and this was her second year doing it. This was her note to me:

My precious daughter, I love you more than I could ever express with words. You amaze me each and every day with your heart for the Lord and our family. This year you have grown in so many ways and it has been such a joy to watch you become a woman of God. I love our late night talks and then I appreciate you bringing me my cup of coffee in the morning to wake me up. You are a gracious young lady in more ways than I can count. I am savoring each and every day with you and not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for bringing sweet you into my life. You are nothing short of incredible. I am very proud, but know it surely hasn’t been about the mom I am. I know you are who you are because of Christ in you. Your life truly glorifies Him!I love you forever and always!

Isn't she a sweetie? I am so blessed by her! If you think about the fact that she wrote 13 heart-felt letters like that after everyone went to bed on Christmas Eve (meaning LATE) you get just a glimmer of how selfless she is :) My parents are so dedicated to each of us kids and they make Christmas fun every year!

P.S. You can read our family's Christmas letter on my mom's blog if you click on the link below :)
http://varnells.blogspot.com/2009/12/very-long-2009-christmas-letter.html

Here I Come!!! (Round 2)

My Chilean friend, Claudia. She was amazing! And she laughs like Santa!!!

Depending on who you ask... the girls dominated the boys in the snowfight ;-)

We went sledding on trash bags :D

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Tonight I found out that I will be able to attend the Bring Me Hope Retreat this year! Last year I knew only two people out of the entire BMH group, but this year it will be like a family reunion ;-) I built so many great relationships while I was in China, and I CAN NOT WAIT to see all my friends! Well, that is all... I just thought I would post some pictures of last year and let you all know how excited I am right now!

A Gift

^"14But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, ¹⁵and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

~II Timothy 3:14-17~

(emphasis added)

I am extremely blessed to have been born and raised in a Christian home... and not just a home where people are okay with God, but in a home where my parents have raised us to love and worship Him. The passage above was a part of this morning's family Bible reading, and as I heard those words I was once again reminded how blessed I am! No, I don't live in a "perfect" family (after all, we happen to be a bunch of sinners saved by grace!), but I do live in a family were Christ is esteemed and family is valued. One thing about being born and raised in a Christ-centered family is that I think I have a greater responsibility to be a light in this dark world.

A few weeks ago I gave a speech in class about missions. I ended it like this,

"We are extremely blessed to have been raised in Christian homes where we have been given a superior education, discipleship, and a good understanding of Biblical things. With these great blessings comes great responsibility. Someday we will stand before God, accountable for our actions. We are like the slave in the parable who had been given 5 talents. It is our job to take those “talents” that God has given us and multiply them. Imagine how angry the master would have been at the slave who was given 5 talents if HE had buried it and returned the same amount. It wouldn’t matter that he had returned more than the slaves who were given 2 and 1 talents. He would be held accountable for wasting the gift his master had given him, and it is the same for us."

God gives each of his children special gifts and abilities that He can use to bring Himself glory. One of the gifts he gave me was to be raised in a country where my parents were free to disciple me and teach me the ways of the Lord from the time I was a young child and that they did/continue to do so with great vigor. Someday, I hope to be able to pour some of the knowledge they gave me into the cups of people who have never heard the name of Jesus!

Hear the Bells!

I love poetry! I love reading it, memorizing it, and hearing it recited. One of my favorite subjects to teach the kids is language because the curriculum we use encourages poetry memorization. I love coming up with funny hand motions or dances to fit the words of poems like "Mr. Nobody" or "The Goops". A poem that my mom taught Noah (11), Gabe (11), and Veronica (10) a few months ago was the first part of "The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe. Though it was fall when they memorized it (and not really applicable...) they tucked it away in their memories, and the time has finally come to pull it out again! The words to this cheerful piece are as follows:

Hear the sledges with the bells-

Silver bells!

What a world of merriment their melody foretells!

How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,

In the icy air of night!

While the stars that oversprinkle

All the heavens, seem to twinkle

With a crystalline delight;

Keeping time, time, time,

In a sort of Runic rhyme,

To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells

From the bells, bells, bells, bells,

Bells, bells, bells-

From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells

Bells. Christmas bells! Can you hear them? Do you see the snow? (Ok, if you live in Southern California, like me, then maybe not, but lets just pretend) ;-) Bells, snow, pretty lights, hot chocolate, warm fuzzy books, holiday cheer, nativity scenes... *sigh* Ever since the day after Thanksgiving, I have been excited about Christmas. I bought twenty of my favorite Christmas jingles, combined them with the twenty (or more) songs I already had, and I can finally say I have a REAL Chrismas Playlist :) Ask anyone in my family... all I want to do is listen to Christmas music, watch Chrismas movies, read Christmas books, put up Christmas decorations... I think you get the picture! Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love snuggling up with my family, fellowshipping with my friends, and the general air of joy and holiday bliss that seems to take over any negative atmospheres that once existed. But despite all the wonderful things that the Christmas season brings, I do not want to ever be distracted from the true reason for the season... Jesus!

I cannot say thank you to Him enough for coming to our earth as a newborn baby only to live a hard life and die a cruel and terrible death. That special night that God sent his son to be born the angels sang and the shepherds ran to see His face in the shape of a child. Baby Jesus. Often I wonder if Mary had some fun telling the story of her first child's birth... I mean, come on! Women love to tell birth stories, and hers happens to top every birth story of all time! How many women can say that they almost had a baby on the back of a donkey, ended up finding a stable to give birth, and then at the moment their child entered this world angels filled the heavens and sang praises to Him? None other than Mary, wife of Joseph, mother of the living God. Then again, how many women can say they watched their son live a perfect life and then get hung on a cross as a common criminal when He had done nothing wrong? None other than Mary, wife of Joseph, mother of the living God. As I think of the great joy that encompassed that spectacular night in Bethelehem I wonder, Did she know? Could she imagine the pain that her son was destined to go through, the pain she would feel as a helpless mother unable to stop the wrath of God pour out upon his perfect son on the cross? I doubt she knew... how could she? It was not her place to know, but as a servant of God she laid down her life to serve him in whatever way he asked. Mary is an inspiration to me. I would love to be just like her and no matter what God asks me to do reply, "I am the Lord's servant."

That precious gift God chose Mary to carry for nine months and then present to the world in swaddling clothes was the Savior of all the world. All of history points to Him and the climax was His death on the cross. As I enjoy this joyful time of the year, I praise God that He has chosen me! I am infinitely grateful that he DID send His Son, and that Jesus DID die on the cross! Let this time be a season of joyful thanksgiving to our Lord!