Alone I Walk, Together We'll Run

"Therefore... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." - Hebrews 12:1

Today I went jogging with my sister. I am not a runner. Between asthma and bad ankles it just never seemed like a good fit :p But every now and then I forget and will try a mile or two. My fifteen year old sister, Candice, had been jogging for the past few weeks and she kept talking about this awesome route that she and her friend had been jogging. I was inspired. And when I'm inspired I have to do something... so we decided to go running together :D

1/2 mile... I'm feelin' good!
1 mile... Whew, I got this.
1 1/2 miles... Why did she pick the route with the most HILLS!?
2 miles... So this is what dying feels like =p

I was not doing well. In fact, I was pretty sure I was dying at 2 miles. The route she had planned was 5 miles long! No shortcuts. No turning back. 5 MILES.

As I looked ahead, half way up the hill, I realized that Candice was almost to the top. At that point something inside of me snapped. I just gave up. I had been telling myself for the last mile to just push on. I was even listening to worship music on my ipod with lyrics like "I'm chasing after Jesus" and "We are gonna run this race for the weak" but that didn't help either! (cheesy I know...) Seeing her (my LITTLE sister for goodness sake!) so far ahead of me was just so disheartening. After a minute or so, she looked back and saw that I was reeeeally far behind her and walking. She turned around and ran back to see what was going on. I told her that I wasn't doing well and that I didn't think I could go the rest of the way, so I was going to turn around. She wouldn't hear about it! She gave me some encouragement and then I started jogging again. Again, she got ahead of me. Again, I started to walk. Finally, she came back and was like, "Seriously, are you ok?" (silly question... we were working on the third mile, NO! I was NOT OK!!!!) I told her how exhausted I was, how much pain I was in, yada yada yada. Her answer? "You CAN do this. I'll stay with you. Lets set goals, like to make it to that stoplight, and then once we get there we can set new ones, ok? You got this!" I was amazed at her patience. I was grateful for her sweet words when I was expecting something more like, "You are soooo lame." As we jogged (and sometimes walked) the rest of the way together there were moments when I wanted to give up, but whenever I did I would say to her, "Candice, I'm not feeling good... I don't know if I can make it!" All she needed to say was, "Yes you can. I'm here for you. Press on!" and for the most part, I would get a new burst of energy and keep jogging towards the next goal. Then it hit me. This is such a great picture of the Christian walk and community!

The Bible often compares our spiritual journey to a race or exercising, and today I saw how realistic this is! Running is hard... and, especially when you haven't done it before, running alone can be even harder. In fact, when breathing becomes difficult and your legs feel like lead, only the very disciplined can keep on keepin' on. That is why having a partner is so helpful- they can give you the encouragement you need and the accountability to keep running even when it gets tough. And all this is true in spiritual terms! The spiritual journey can get tough. REALLY tough. And few can handle the pressures alone. Because of this, many people give up... they start walking, or even turn around. That is why community is so key to the Christian walk. We NEED each other to build one another up when we need the encouragement, to hold one another up when we think we are going to fall. We can run so much farther with brothers and sisters in Christ encouraging us to keep up the good fight!

I wouldn't have finished the 5 miles today if I didn't have Candice there to push me to my physical limits. I wouldn't be where I'm at spiritually if certain people hadn't been a part of my life to push me to my spiritual limits. Thanks to Candice, I have set the goal to run a 10k some time within the next 2 months, and she is going to help me and be the support I need. Thanks to Jesus, I will keep on running the spiritual "race marked out" for me with perseverance. But not alone. I will stand along side my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as we all continue to pursue the path or righteousness with undivided hearts! Praise the Lord for the great blessings he has given us in the Body of Christ!

God Transforms

Whew! These past three months have flown by! I didn't even realize how long it had been since I had posted :p But the time has been so incredible, because God has been showing me so much!

I started attending Theology Lab (my college group, Kaleo's mid-week biblestudy) in mid-January and have been so blessed! We are finishing up Tim Chester's You Can Change: God's transforming power for our sinful behaviours and negative emotions this week. WOW! I have been joyfully broken as my heart has been dissected and shown for what it really is - "black as Hell" (Horatius Bonar), and yet I have hope. For though, "I am more sinful and flawed than I would ever dare admit... at the same time I am more loved and accepted than I would ever dare hope," (Tim Keller). Isn't that so incredible! Romans 8:29 says, "For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." It is so amazing to be able to claim that verse as a chosen child of God. I was predestined by the Father to be shaped and molded to be like Jesus Christ! I will continue to be sanctified and grow in Him until the glorious day I get to go and live with Him in Heaven.

Now, the basic premise of the book was how to allow God to transform your heart and so live a life glorifying Him with your emotions and behaviors. But the area I struggle with is letting God do the changing. I am prone to legalism. I want you give me a set of rules to follow, and then I will try very hard to do as they say on my own strength. It doesn't matter if I fail, thank you very much, but I got this and I don't need help... Or so my wicked heart likes to think. But Chester likes to point out that we can't do it by ourselves. That is why we decide to read books like You Can Change. We know that there is a standard and we are not meeting it. So we try to fix our sin issues with setting rules, making resolutions, etc. But the Bible makes it clear that by trying to live a "good" life on our own will get us nowhere. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." It is only by Christ grace that we are saved. As children of God there is nothing we can do to make Him love us more or less!

Chester points out, "Grace is so simple to understand and yet so hard to grasp. It's not its complexity that makes it difficult. The problem is that we seem to be hard-wired to think we must do something to make God favourably disposed towards us. We want to take the credit." Think about how ugly that is. We want to take the credit for what Christ has already done. By trying to prove ourselves by our good works, we're saying, in effect, that the cross wasn't enough. Chester gives an amazing picture when he gives this imagery: "On the cross Jesus cried out: 'It is finished.' Imagine yourself answering back: 'Not quite. I need to finish the job. I still need to win God's blessing. This is ridiculous and insulting." Who do I think I am? God came to this earth as a man, lived a perfect life, died, and rose again so that sinners like me could receive grace. He endured more sufferings than any man has ever endured before or since as he held a perfect, clear conscience before God in one moment and then suddeny bearing the sins of the world was rejected by the Father and felt His wrath poured out upon His body. (Matt. 27:32-54) No one can fathom that. And yet I often say, "That wasn't enough" with my actions. It was enough! It was so beyond enough! My thankfulness to God for making me one of His children is inexpressible as I think of what I am saved from, and where my salvation will take me. The Lord snatched me from the fires of Hell to live with Him in all His splendour and glory forever and ever. Amen!

The only way to change, the only way to grow to be more like Christ is to focus on the gospel. I love how C.J. Mahaney points out in his book Humility, "There is only one thing I know of that crushes me to the ground and humiliates me to the dust, and that is to look at the Son of God, and especially contemplate the cross... Nothing else can do it. When I see that I am a sinner... that nothing but the Son of God on the cross can save me, I'm humbled to the dust... Nothing but the cross can give us this spirit of humility." We have to let our hearts become broken over our sin. It is only when we see how great the glory of the cross is and what Christ did there do we even begin to grasp just how great our sin is!

This study has caused me to completely rethink my sin and how it relates to the cross. There are many reasons not to sin... It has a negative impact on you, it hurts people around you, etc. But most importantly, it grieves the heart of God. I know I will struggle with sin for my entire life, but I am so grateful that Kaleo did this book, so that I was able to realize that I am suppose approach sin leaning on Christ rather than my own strength! With the Spirit's help, I'll not forget it!

Door of Faith

BRING ME HOPE RETREAT 2010

DOOR OF FAITH ORPHANAGE

THE DUMP

The Sunday after Christmas I went to Door of Faith Orphanage with all my Bring Me Hope friends for the retreat. What an awesome way to spend a retreat- others focused! We got to put on a camp (memories of China flooded back!) for about twenty of the one hundred kids that live there. DJ and Lynette, the on-sight administrators of the orphanage, are so wise and have created a Christ-centered refuge for the children there. DOFO has three main priorities that make it different from most orphanages in Mexico. I copied and pasted them from the website (dofo.org) because they are so good! They are:

Family: To provide family atmosphere for the children. They see the traditional family as the ideal model and want their children to experience all of the stability, love and guidance that comes from that.
Education: To prepare their children for life after Door of Faith. They want their children to have a strong education so that that when they move on from the orphanage they can be healthy and productive members of society.
Community Service: To live Christ’s example of a life of service. They want to give back to the local community through service, outreach and compassion. To love their neighbor as ourselves.

These three things, with a Biblical foundation, have made this orphanage what it is! The staff clearly loves the Lord with their whole heart and are doing an incredible job at loving the kids and raising them to be strong, fruitful members of society. I was so amazed by their wisdom in how to care for, provide, and raise up one hundred children! They are more than just doing it... they are doing it well, and giving God all the glory!

On the second to last night DJ took the time to sit down with our team and give us some advice. As a group of people committed to being involved in missions to one degree or another we were, of course, ecstatic. He told us two things that stood out to me in a big way.

The first was that, "You can't be something on the mission field that you haven't already lived out and practiced at home." What a good reminder that you aren't going to magically become someone who you aren't when your situation changes! I see myself thinking something along that line every now and then. I say to myself that I will learn to serve with joy when I am married; I will learn how to say, "Yes!" when all I really want to say is "NO!" when I am a mother. But the thing is, life doesn't work like that. God is using the circumstances and people in my life right now to teach me those kind of lessons, because they are lessons to be learned! Praise God that he loves me enough to constantly be conforming me to "the image of his son" (Rom. 8:29). It is nothing but pride to think that I will all of sudden get everything right when I am married, or a mother, or on the mission field. I am so thankful to God for using TJ to remind me of that!

The second thing he said was that, "Tragedy in the world's eyes is opportunity in God's eyes." And this was coming from a man with experience. He told us that, on average, DOFO is confronted with two major spiritual attacks a year. Whether it is a child dying, dissension among the staff, a natural disaster in the area, hard situations in a staff member's hometown, etc. Satan likes to hit them hard. And yet, He could honestly testify to God's grace and mercy in their lives, and praise him for what he has taught each of them and how each situation has impacted DOFO. It was so incredible to heart him say that!

On the last day we got up at 5 a.m. and drove about an hour to make/serve Breakfast at a church that faithfully feeds breakfast to around one hundred children six days a week. These children live on a dump. Some with their parents, some without. They make an average of $5 a day off gathering recyclables and turning them in. My heart broke as I saw these precious children hungrily wolf down as many plates of eggs and tortillas their tummies could fit because they could not be sure if they would get lunch or dinner that day. I spent a few minutes talking (with my small Spanish vocabulary) to two sisters and trying to get the embarrassed younger one to eat. I did the classic airplane-into-the-mouth technique, and her face lit up as I made funny faces and tried to sound like a jet. I felt so glad to have made her smile :)

After breakfast was over, we went outside and some of the kids decided to show us where they lived. The community has taken thousands of tires and used them as stairs, barriers, and anything else they can think of. Grass and plants have sprung up in the dirt that is in and around the tires, causing them to almost become a part of the hills. The slopes are covered in garbage and their homes are made out of everything from garage doors to sheets of metals. If it can be used to provide shelter, they are utilizing it. But beyond all that I saw something that most people wouldn't expect. Joy. As we played jump rope and "futball" with the children, it was clear that they were having a good time. We spoke to some men who attended the church and the smiles on their faces were so BIG! The men were actually in the process of slaughtering a pig, and thought it was great sport to watch the sheltered American's faces as they cut it's head off! I will spare you the gory details... ;-) These people don't have much beyond the bare necessities of food and shelter, but when it comes down to it they were happy. Seeing things like that give me little faith in the American standards for happiness- money, position, and things. Why would you waste time, money, and effort pursueing those worldly things when there are people who are living on $5 a day and are content?! It has been years since I realized that I don't want to live an average American life, and being with these beautiful settled the fact. I went hoping to bless them... but (like what usually happens when I go on a missions trip) they blessed me in a much bigger way. I will never forget those children or their families who, despite living on a garbage heap, have found joy <3>

Christmas!

Christmas was so wonderful! We kicked it off with a family get together on Christmas Eve, and the event was blissful. Aside from opening presents (need I mention how fun that is???), we had a beautiful time of family worship, Scripture reading, and prayer. Daddy worked it out so that we took turns reading a passage out of the Bible about the birth of Christ and then we would sing a Christmas song. It was so special to re-focus together as a family and meditate on the reason for the season. It was a classic Harow/Varnell get together with lots of loud kids running around (OK! Maybe that was just the Varnell half...lol ;-) and I couldn't help but feel joy in my heart! How I love my family! I am so blessed to be a part of each of their lives!
I am so grateful to God for sending his son as a newborn babe to grow up and take upon himself the sins of the world. It fills me with awe and wonder. And I don't just feel that way at Christmas. That is a wonderful part of being a follower of Jesus Christ- you can be excited about his birth any time of the year! And I am going to use that as an excuse for why I just changed my Christmas blog music today...lol just kidding :-D
Christmas went down without a hitch and we all woke up to find precious notes from Mom in our stockings... she is so faithful! She is trying to make it a tradition and this was her second year doing it. This was her note to me:

My precious daughter, I love you more than I could ever express with words. You amaze me each and every day with your heart for the Lord and our family. This year you have grown in so many ways and it has been such a joy to watch you become a woman of God. I love our late night talks and then I appreciate you bringing me my cup of coffee in the morning to wake me up. You are a gracious young lady in more ways than I can count. I am savoring each and every day with you and not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for bringing sweet you into my life. You are nothing short of incredible. I am very proud, but know it surely hasn’t been about the mom I am. I know you are who you are because of Christ in you. Your life truly glorifies Him!I love you forever and always!

Isn't she a sweetie? I am so blessed by her! If you think about the fact that she wrote 13 heart-felt letters like that after everyone went to bed on Christmas Eve (meaning LATE) you get just a glimmer of how selfless she is :) My parents are so dedicated to each of us kids and they make Christmas fun every year!

P.S. You can read our family's Christmas letter on my mom's blog if you click on the link below :)
http://varnells.blogspot.com/2009/12/very-long-2009-christmas-letter.html

Here I Come!!! (Round 2)

My Chilean friend, Claudia. She was amazing! And she laughs like Santa!!!

Depending on who you ask... the girls dominated the boys in the snowfight ;-)

We went sledding on trash bags :D

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Tonight I found out that I will be able to attend the Bring Me Hope Retreat this year! Last year I knew only two people out of the entire BMH group, but this year it will be like a family reunion ;-) I built so many great relationships while I was in China, and I CAN NOT WAIT to see all my friends! Well, that is all... I just thought I would post some pictures of last year and let you all know how excited I am right now!

A Gift

^"14But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, ¹⁵and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

~II Timothy 3:14-17~

(emphasis added)

I am extremely blessed to have been born and raised in a Christian home... and not just a home where people are okay with God, but in a home where my parents have raised us to love and worship Him. The passage above was a part of this morning's family Bible reading, and as I heard those words I was once again reminded how blessed I am! No, I don't live in a "perfect" family (after all, we happen to be a bunch of sinners saved by grace!), but I do live in a family were Christ is esteemed and family is valued. One thing about being born and raised in a Christ-centered family is that I think I have a greater responsibility to be a light in this dark world.

A few weeks ago I gave a speech in class about missions. I ended it like this,

"We are extremely blessed to have been raised in Christian homes where we have been given a superior education, discipleship, and a good understanding of Biblical things. With these great blessings comes great responsibility. Someday we will stand before God, accountable for our actions. We are like the slave in the parable who had been given 5 talents. It is our job to take those “talents” that God has given us and multiply them. Imagine how angry the master would have been at the slave who was given 5 talents if HE had buried it and returned the same amount. It wouldn’t matter that he had returned more than the slaves who were given 2 and 1 talents. He would be held accountable for wasting the gift his master had given him, and it is the same for us."

God gives each of his children special gifts and abilities that He can use to bring Himself glory. One of the gifts he gave me was to be raised in a country where my parents were free to disciple me and teach me the ways of the Lord from the time I was a young child and that they did/continue to do so with great vigor. Someday, I hope to be able to pour some of the knowledge they gave me into the cups of people who have never heard the name of Jesus!

Hear the Bells!

I love poetry! I love reading it, memorizing it, and hearing it recited. One of my favorite subjects to teach the kids is language because the curriculum we use encourages poetry memorization. I love coming up with funny hand motions or dances to fit the words of poems like "Mr. Nobody" or "The Goops". A poem that my mom taught Noah (11), Gabe (11), and Veronica (10) a few months ago was the first part of "The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe. Though it was fall when they memorized it (and not really applicable...) they tucked it away in their memories, and the time has finally come to pull it out again! The words to this cheerful piece are as follows:

Hear the sledges with the bells-

Silver bells!

What a world of merriment their melody foretells!

How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,

In the icy air of night!

While the stars that oversprinkle

All the heavens, seem to twinkle

With a crystalline delight;

Keeping time, time, time,

In a sort of Runic rhyme,

To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells

From the bells, bells, bells, bells,

Bells, bells, bells-

From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells

Bells. Christmas bells! Can you hear them? Do you see the snow? (Ok, if you live in Southern California, like me, then maybe not, but lets just pretend) ;-) Bells, snow, pretty lights, hot chocolate, warm fuzzy books, holiday cheer, nativity scenes... *sigh* Ever since the day after Thanksgiving, I have been excited about Christmas. I bought twenty of my favorite Christmas jingles, combined them with the twenty (or more) songs I already had, and I can finally say I have a REAL Chrismas Playlist :) Ask anyone in my family... all I want to do is listen to Christmas music, watch Chrismas movies, read Christmas books, put up Christmas decorations... I think you get the picture! Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love snuggling up with my family, fellowshipping with my friends, and the general air of joy and holiday bliss that seems to take over any negative atmospheres that once existed. But despite all the wonderful things that the Christmas season brings, I do not want to ever be distracted from the true reason for the season... Jesus!

I cannot say thank you to Him enough for coming to our earth as a newborn baby only to live a hard life and die a cruel and terrible death. That special night that God sent his son to be born the angels sang and the shepherds ran to see His face in the shape of a child. Baby Jesus. Often I wonder if Mary had some fun telling the story of her first child's birth... I mean, come on! Women love to tell birth stories, and hers happens to top every birth story of all time! How many women can say that they almost had a baby on the back of a donkey, ended up finding a stable to give birth, and then at the moment their child entered this world angels filled the heavens and sang praises to Him? None other than Mary, wife of Joseph, mother of the living God. Then again, how many women can say they watched their son live a perfect life and then get hung on a cross as a common criminal when He had done nothing wrong? None other than Mary, wife of Joseph, mother of the living God. As I think of the great joy that encompassed that spectacular night in Bethelehem I wonder, Did she know? Could she imagine the pain that her son was destined to go through, the pain she would feel as a helpless mother unable to stop the wrath of God pour out upon his perfect son on the cross? I doubt she knew... how could she? It was not her place to know, but as a servant of God she laid down her life to serve him in whatever way he asked. Mary is an inspiration to me. I would love to be just like her and no matter what God asks me to do reply, "I am the Lord's servant."

That precious gift God chose Mary to carry for nine months and then present to the world in swaddling clothes was the Savior of all the world. All of history points to Him and the climax was His death on the cross. As I enjoy this joyful time of the year, I praise God that He has chosen me! I am infinitely grateful that he DID send His Son, and that Jesus DID die on the cross! Let this time be a season of joyful thanksgiving to our Lord!

Happy Birthday to the Bestie!

Today was one of my best friends, Alicia's 17th birthday! Last night we threw a surprise party for her and it was amazing! Though there were many close calls, everyone managed to keep quiet enough and she was truly surprised :) After pizza we went on a scavenger hunt for the most random items (think painted board, sock with a hole in it, dessert items, etc.) Someone was even throwing a welcome home party for the man of the house, who had been gone serving our country in Iraq, and they let us come in! The festivities in that house were definitely a great example of Christmas cheer (and I am ALL about Christmas cheer!)
Thank's Al, for being the bestest friend a girl could ask for! You are always willing to talk, to encourage me in my walk with the Lord, or to just be crazy with me! You bring out the little girl in me on a regular basis, and I love you for that ;-) It's been three years of ups and downs, laughter and tears, and I thank God for every minute of our friendship! I wouldn't trade you for the world! I love your heart for Jesus! Keep shining for Him! I know you will serve God in great ways as you continue to seek to follow Him! Love ya, babe! I'm lookin forward to 70 or 80 more years of fun and service to our king :D

Oh Brothers!

Tonight my brothers had me giggling, smiling, and being thankful that God made me a big sister! This was a Fight Lab night, so we went to our boxing classes. On the way home my Dad was giving everyone a talk about being quiet when we got home so that we wouldn't wake up the babies. He then directed a couple comments towards one of my eleven year old brothers, Noah, hinting that he was generally the loudest. Noah's reply made me smile. He said, "Dad, God gave me a loud mouth for a VERY important reason. Someday, when I grow up, I am going to talk to lots of people and be very in-spir-ational. I will be real good at it because I am practicing now. So ya see, it is really a gift from God!" Well, my Dad was curious to know who had told him these things and Noah replied enthusiastically, "I had a vision. Actually a dream, but it felt like a vision... I dreamed I was talking to a whole bunch of people and they were actually listening to me!" At that point the whole car bust out laughing :D
Later, I was messing around with my seven year old brother, Josh, when he started talking smack about his "skills" in jiu-jitsu. I jokingly said to him, "I don't care how good you are, I can still take you down!" He looked at me real serious and said, "Amanda... I INVENTED the take-down." and quietly walked away. Once again, I couldn't help but laugh :)
My little brothers are certainly good for entertainment! AND they are cute! They are definitely the whole package... but shhhhh! Don't tell them I said that ;-)

A Grateful Heart

One of my favorite worship songs is called "Give Thanks." The lyrics go like this...

Give thanks with a grateful heart,

Give thanks unto the Holy One,

Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son!

That describes EXACTLY how I was feeling on Thanksgiving, last Thursday. Like many people, I can not even count how many things I have to be thankful for, but everything I have starts with Christ and his sacrifice for me! All pales in comparison when I meditate on the cross and what happened there 2000 years ago. Sometimes (like right now...), I am OVERWHELMED by my Savior. I am in AWE of what He has done for me. It's not like I deserve his grace! I deserve justice, which for me would mean Hell. That gives me chills to think about. Every young girl dreams of a prince who would be willing to give his life up to save her from something, anything.... My prince sacrificed Himself for me totally and completely and gave me LIFE when I was DEAD in my sin! WOW!!! That is why he is at the top of my "things-to-be-thankful-for" list... he has basically swept me off my feet ;-)

Salvation was the ultimate gift God could give me, but He has even taken it a step further. He has rescued me out of the miry clay and made my wicked heart white as snow, and now as I walk with Him he blesses me in "countless" ways. So, in honor of all my Lord has done for me, I will now be blogging once a week about a random number things that I am thankful for. I have decided to toss the one-blog-post-a-week thing out the window... God is doing so much in my life and I want to start sharing more. Also, I have been totally inspired by Jasmine Baucham's blog (http://joyfullyathome.blogspot.com/). She blogs almost every day and it is always so encouraging. I definitely aspire to be like her! One thing I really like about her blog is the interactive nature of it all. She often ends a blog post with a question to spark discussions and it is so cool to hear people's thoughts! So in hopes of hearing YOUR thoughts I must ask: what are some things you thankful for?

Elisa's 9th Birthday!

Elisa... The Birthday Girl!!!

Elisa looooves hats :)



Christmas is almost here!

Fun glasses!

The guy behind her found a sea star and let her hold it!

We had so much fun!

Elisa fell asleep listening to her new music box on the way home... so precious!

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Last Saturday was Elisa Rebekah's 9th birthday!!! My friend, Kelly, was gracious enough to take us to the mall and Dana Point in Orange County. We had a blast shopping around, trying on hats (!), eating DELICIOUS bagels, and visiting some tide pools. It was definitely one of those special moments when, as we were walking to the car, Elisa said, "This has been the best birthday EVER!"

P.S. THANKS, KELLY, FOR AN AWESOME DAY! WE COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU! YOUR SERVANT HEART IS AN INSPIRATION!!!

My Heart is Heavy

...for my Christian brothers and sisters who are being persecuted for their faith.

*This video is graphic, so I would ask that you not watch it with children and use discernment before allowing junior high or high school students to view it.

** You will need to turn off my audio player to hear the audio on this video. My music player is found at the bottom of the page.

On Sunday nights I attend Kaleo, my church's college ministry. Tonight the message was about prayer and near the end Pastor Cobb spoke of our need to remember the persecuted church. He showed us this video and it brought me to tears. Within the first few minutes I was begging forgiveness of God for forgetting my brothers and sisters who are in such dire circumstances because of their faith. When I am in situations where I am forced to see the reality that people are being murdered, beaten, starved, and so much more simply because they won't deny the name of Jesus I cannot help ask myself, "How do you EVER forget???"

Hebrews 13:3 Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

I NOW HAVE 12 SIBLINGS!!!

Wow... I have not blogged for one month! It seems like it was months and months ago that I was sitting at my desk reminiscing about rain and friends because so much has happened. Just days after writing that post, my family heard about a little girl, Ai-Lin, who was in need of an adoptive home. Originally from Taiwan, she was residing in Hawaii (where my grandparents live), and my parents (not to mention the rest of us!) were eager to welcome her into our family! Hence the last month has been an insane flurry as we have done homestudies, social worker visits, paperwork, rearranging of rooms, etc. in hopes of getting Ai-Lin here as soon as possible. In my mom's blog post announcing Ai-Lin's arrival she described the adoption process as, "exhausting and at times excruciating, but all is worth it the moment the dream of welcoming a precious child into our home becomes a reality." There couldn't be a better way of describing it! The last 30 days have been full of near-sleepless nights and heavy-hearted prayers, but she is finally here and we have been so blessed by her!
She came home to us Sunday morning and it has gone wonderfully so far. Adoptive educators often talk of a "honeymoon period" when the child is happy, the family is happy, and all is bliss. We are certainly having a good "honeymoon." She is absolutely precious! Her favorite things are food, piggy back rides, and Daddy's beard ;-) She has melted right into the family and gets along great with everyone. Her tender heart has even recognized the need to be extra kind to Isaac (our brother who is deaf and has Cerebral Palsy.) She will pat him, smile, and say kind things to him all the time. I am so thankful to God for bringing her into this family, and making me the oldest of THIRTEEN children!
I am also praising God that, in His wisdom, he guided me and my parents to keep me home from school this semester. As my time at home progresses I am beginning to think that my commitment to staying home will last much longer than a semester or two. As the oldest child, I feel a burden for my parents ministry to, "rescue orphans in their distress," and hope to bless them and work with them to care for the beautiful children God brings into our family! Who knows how long it will be before another blessing makes his or her way into our arms?!

It's Raining Memories!

Witney, Grace, and Tina

Fanfan

Michelle

Bambi and Shiloh

Al-The-Gal

Today, we are having our first rain of the season! An endless blanket of grey clouds have covered the sun, and a chill is in the air. As I put on my ugs and big sweater, I couldn't help but think back to the last time I felt rain drops on my head... in China. There it was a warm, summer night and just a couple days before Alicia (one of my besties) was going to head back home. It had been a long day full of orphan-drama and tired translators when Al ran up to me, right before the Translator and Volunteer meetings, and said, "It's raining! We have to go dance in it!" My first reaction was, "Um, yah, sure.... what do I look like? A 5 year old?" and "That is sooo not 'mature'," but Al got the best of me and next thing I knew the meetings were over and we were running downstairs to greet the wetness and to have a blast! After a stressful day it felt good to just spin around, laughing and get soaked. No, it wasn't 'mature'... but I got over it, and soon we were GLOATING over the fact that we were acting like we were 5! Aw, sweet release :) Just another reason why I love my Al... because she always knows how to make me loosen up and just have a good time. God certainly blessed me when He gave her to me!

Now, I've been home from China for two months and it has been almost three months since we danced in the rain. All recollections of stress and struggle are fuzzy, while all those special moments where time stood still stand out in my mind. As I let one memory fade into another, Fanfan, Michelle, Bambi, Shiloh, Witney, Tina, Grace, Melody and so many other faces run through my mind. I will never forget China and the girls there that I came to love... Hopefully, I will get to go back someday soon, and return to the people who, as Witney put it, are "waiting" for me <3

Funny but True

This clip was on Joshua Harris's blog :) My sister, Candice, and I had to laugh at the truth in what he was saying... and then feel just a liiittle convicted!

* You will need to turn off my music player to hear the audio on this clip. The music player is found at the bottom of the blog :)

My Mother's and Mine

Last week, I was sitting in my sister's room when I found a hidden treasure... a 140 year old heirloom Bible that my grandma had given to my mom. I was captivated by its faded beauty when I first saw it years ago. When I was fifteen, I took it from its box only to place it on a shelf in my room with the impression that I would look through it sometime soon. Unfortunately, I more or less forgot about it and when I moved out of that bedroom it slipped from my mind completely. But now, a year later, I have rediscovered it! As I looked through its pages, full of newspaper clippings, pressed flowers, and papers with lists of verses on them, my curiosity was reawakened. As I read the words written so long ago I was taken over with awe. It says, "My mother's Bible and mine, in whose pages I have found peace and hope, and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, read them after me and may you find what I have, amen." I felt as if those words were meant for me. I was certainly filled with peace and hope as I looked up a few of the references written on a faded piece of paper in the middle of the Bible! I have always loved old things and this Bible is now very dear to me. I think about this special book and its contents often, meditating on the lives recorded in the "Births and Deaths" section and on the little notes written in its pages. It fills me with wonder to think about how incredible God's hand is in the lives of His servants. Though I never knew this Bible's first caretaker, I can see in its pages the impact the Word had on her life and the life of her heirs. It is evident that it was a source of great comfort and I am so grateful to be able to look through it now!

"As we look back

At generations gone by,

We, reflect on the memories

That serve as a tie.

Binding us together

With future and past;

And building a story

That forever will last."

- Taken from Generations Past by Shannon Fahine

Lily Among the Thorns

On Friday I gave my first speech! It was quite an experience that I will not soon forget... ;-) I talked about the legacy of Amy Carmichael. Studying her life was such an inspiration to me as I continue to seek the set-apart life! Here is the written form of my oration:

Amy Carmichael: A Lily Among the Thorns
"You can give without loving, but you can not love without giving." These are the words of my great heroine - Amy Carmichael. Born into a middle-class Irish family in the late 1800's, it was assumed that Amy would grow up, marry, and live the life of a homemaker. But God had a different plan for Amy, one that did not fit the common mold. Amy Carmichael was ultimately led to become a mother and caregiver to the destitute women and children of India. By reflecting on the life of this virtuous woman, I hope to encourage you to take up arms in defense of the broken and lost as she once did.

One thing that really stood out to me as I was examining her life was how God called her at a rather early age. One Sunday afternoon, 17 year old Amy was walking with her brothers when they spotted an old woman hunched over with sticks tied to her back. On an impulse of the moment they decided to help her. The woman was slower than they had anticipated and soon many of the people from their church caught up to them and looked at their service with disdain. One woman even took the hands of her children and crossed over to the other side of the road! Amy and her brothers became very embarrassed and started to pray that no one important would come along. As the stumbled along, they approached a fountain. In hopes of distracting herself, Amy started to count the stones. All of a sudden she heard a voice saying, "Gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw... the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work which any many has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward." Amy looked around but saw no one who could have spoken to her. She soon realized that she had heard the voice of God. He had spoken to her from I Corinthians 3:12-14 and she was forever changed. After many hours of prayer about her purpose in life, Amy made the decision to follow Christ with all her heart and to hold nothing back. Rather than wait to "grow up" to start working for the Lord, Amy began almost immediately by reaching out to the factory girls (called Shawlies) and poor children in the town where she lived. Her experiences in opening and running "The Morning Watch Club" for orphans and "The Welcome" for the Shawlies proved to be of great value in the years to come. When she was 20 years old she had the opportunity to hear Hudson Taylor speak at a convention. While there she felt God calling her to the mission field, and so she applied to China Inland Mission. They ruled her health to be too fragile, causing her to eventually apply to the Church Missionary Society where she was accepted.

Initially, Amy traveled to Japan where she served for 15 months. But, after a visit to Sri Lanka, Amy felt sure that God was calling her to India and there she went, never to leave her beloved new country again. Upon arriving in the second most populous country in the world, Amy soon was exposed to the rather harsh culture of India, where the caste system and the Hindu religion governed the ways of the people. She was horrified to see young girls sold to Hindu temples as prostitutes for the priests’ "holy" pleasure, and so began her ministry as their Amma. She founded an organization which she called Dohnavur Fellowship which was really just a home open to any orphan child or woman trying to escape the forced prostitution of the Hindu temples.

One example of Amy's compassion for these people is Preena. Preena was a 7 year old girl while lived in a Hindu Temple. Her parents had given her to be used as a prostitute when she was just 5 years old to gain favor with the gods. She had tried to run away once, but she was promptly returned and was burned on her hands with red hot irons as a reminder to never run away. Two years later, while being prepared to "marry" the gods in a demonic ceremony Preena decided to run away again. A woman had tried to scare her with stories of the child-stealing Amma (the natives name for Amy) using her illustrations to explain how nice and safe the temples were, but the tales had an opposite effect on Preena! Preena escaped again and ran to the child-stealing Amma as fast as she could. Just as she had hoped, Amy and her band of Christians took her in and cared for her. Preena was just one of over a thousand children whom Dohnavur Fellowship took in during Amy's lifetime. Amy never turned anyone away and always shared the love of Christ with the lost and broken who rested in her comfortable home.

In her biography of Amy Carmichael's life, Elisabeth Elliot observed, "The preoccupations of seventeen year old girls - their looks, their clothes, their social life - do not change much from generation to generation. But in every generation there seems to be a few who make other choices. Amy was one of the few." Amy made the choice to live a life wholly devoted to Christ and separate in spirit from the world when she was just seventeen. Because of her obedience to her Heavenly Father, thousands, if not millions, of Indian women and children have felt the impact of her faith and endurance even to this day. Let us follow her example and seek after the, "the love that leads the way, the faith that nothing can dismay, the hope no disappointments tire, the passion that'll burn like fire," and become God's fuel!

Living the Good Life <3

I have officially been home one month! Time has flown as I have worked back into the family schedule and have been savoring this special time in my life. While I was in China, God made it clear to me that He was calling me to serve my family with all my heart and with no distractions. For me, this meant no college classes and no job. I told God that I didn't see my parents being ok with that, so if it was really His plan, then I needed Him to "prove" it to me through them bringing it up. Literally within two days my mom was emailing me asking me what I thought about staying home this semester. After explaining to her how God had really been turning my heart towards my family, we agreed that I would not take any classes this semester or seek after work. During the last few weeks in China, when I knew what God had for me at home, I looked forward to going back to my family with eager expectation of the blessings I saw in my near future. It was an incredible feeling to be so content with my life in China while still being able to smile at my future at home. But in the back of my mind I was a little afraid that my life would not turn out as perfectly and I was imagining it.... Thank the Lord; there was really nothing to fear.
It took me a couple weeks to catch up on my sleep and figure out my role in the home after so long of an absence, but now a month into my new life everything is going even BETTER than I could have ever hoped for! I have taken over homeschooling Sofia (6), Joshua (7), and Elisa (8) and am having a blast! Some of our recent activities have included baking bread, writing/performing a skit (Check out my mom's blog for pics!), and leaf walks. In honor of my mom's motto to "inspire not require," I have had so much fun finding ways to make even math and grammar exciting. All their sweet comments about how I am their favorite teacher [besides Mom, of course ;-)] make my heart smile! It is such an incredible feeling to know that I am building memories with my siblings that I will have forever.
Some of the other jobs I set out to do upon arriving home were meals and laundry. In preparation for the days when I will have my own home to run, I have been experimenting with different recipes and been learning a lot about time management ;-) In a home where it is abnormal to do less than 3-4 loads of laundry a day, you can't get behind! My mom has been very gracious as I have made my share of mistakes in this lengthy process of homemaker growth. On the days where I am running around trying to juggle math worksheets, Elijah duty, and the dryer's beeping, I can't help but think of how blessed I am that God has put me in a home where I get hands on experience at being a mom every day!
Another awesome part about being home is all the time I have been spending with my mom. She is truly my best friend! Though I have been foolish in the past and not always respected her wisdom, she continually forgives me and is there for me. She welcomed me to do a Bible study with her, so now we get up at 5:30 to do a Beth Moore study on the fruit of the spirit. I have been so challenged by the Holy Spirit during this time, and it is so incredible to feel God working in my heart! On top of that, it was so special to me that my mom invited me to do this with her as those early hours are really the only "alone-time" she gets during the day. I am also studying speaking, debate, and some classic books under her tutelage with Candice and two of my good friends, Bethany and Kristen. It is very enjoyable to learn how to be a strong communicator for Christ, and I love sipping my favorite chai tea as we discuss some of my most beloved classics!
These days I am constantly amazed at how much God has blessed me! Tuesday was my 17th birthday and I got to go to Disneyland with my mom, Luke, Noah, Gabriel, Veronica, Joshua, and Sofia. While we were eating lunch at Denny's my mom asked me if there was anything in my life that I would change if I could. Without hesitation I gave an adamant, "Nope!" and smiled at her. The Holy Spirit has given me the joy of the Lord, and I feel as if my cup is overflowing! I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I am blessed with such supernatural contentement that it is easy for me to completely trust God. If there is one thing that God has been showing me over the past few months of my life, it is that nothing surpasses the joy of Lord when you follow His plan. Please be praying that I be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and continue to walk in His ways!

"Godliness with contentement is great gain." ~ 1 Timothy 6:6

P.S. I will be updating my blog each Tuesday (God willing...) from now on, so stay tuned! :-)

Witney <3

Me and Witney chowing down on one of our favorite Chinese snacks... Chicken Feet!

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Week four was destined to be a special week from the beginning. Patti, Chris, one of the volunteers named Clint, and I were given the opportunity to go pick up the children from the orphanage. We took a four hour bus ride into the mountains to pick up twenty of the twenty three orphans who would be joining us that week (the others would be arriving from foster homes in Xi’an). It was a beautiful drive and it was really special to get to meet all the children a few hours early! Because we had so many children, we had decided to split the camp into two teams – Blue Team and Green Team. We did everything separate apart from assemblies. This meant that our staff was also divided into two teams… Jon, Patti, and I were on Blue Team and Jeff, Kait, and Chris were on Green Team. Originally, this was a bit disappointing for me because I had been looking forward to spending lots of time with ALL my good friends on staff during the last week. We had gotten each of our jobs down to a science and could guide the groups from each activity to the next without much difficulty. But rather than keeping me in my comfort bubble, God had a plan.

The week before, one of our Chinese staff, Witney, had shared her life story during one of our staff meetings. During her story she began to cry and spoke of the emptiness she felt inside and how she was sad that she hadn’t gotten to know each of us foreign staff very well. My heart broke for her as she spoke of the darkness inside that I knew to be the result of not knowing Christ, but that she had no explanation for. That was Tuesday night of week three. During the rest of week three, I tried to reach out to Witney and slowly we began to be friends. She left for the weekend to take the children back to their orphanage, but when she returned Monday I went right back to pursuing her as a friend. Because our camp was split in half, I had a lot more time to dedicate to showing her Christ’s love. She had become good friends with Jon as well and so the three of us were able to have fun as Jon and I tried to impact her for Christ. We had so much fun playing games, getting ice cream, and just hanging out as she began to open up. Wednesday night came along and I began to notice that she was acting depressed. I asked her if she wanted to go on a walk and she consented.

It was around nine in the evening as we began to walk around the university. It is a beautiful campus with lots of trees, grass areas, gardens, parks, and brick paved roads. For the first ten minutes or so we barely said a word. We just walked along the path soaking in the peaceful atmosphere. But the Spirit had an agenda for that evening and He soon began prompting my heart to begin talking about Jesus. I had no idea what to say, but I knew I was supposed to say something. Finally, with butterflies rolling around in my stomach and a deep breath, I began to tell her different Bible stories that came to mind. As we walked she listened intently, but did not comment. After a little while I paused. This is so awkward! I thought, Jesus, I don’t know what I can say that is going to reach out to this girl… Please, Lord, help me, and give me the right words! We meandered down the path, silence once again reigning. I looked around me hoping to find a source of inspiration… and then I saw the moon.

In Xi’an one rarely sees the sky because the pollution is so awful. A thick, cloudy film generally blocks most of the stars’ lights from ever reaching the people in the city below, but not on that night. “Look, Witney, the moon is out! It is so beautiful. Look, it even has a face! Have you ever spoken to Mr. Moon before?” I asked. Witney looked at me like I was a little strange, but her gaze quickly shifted to see what I was so excited about. She stopped walking, and just stared. After what seemed like ages, she began to laugh. “It does have a face! This is something I have never seen before…” She was awestruck. We moved to a low wall so that we could sit and watch the beautiful sight when all of a sudden her smile turned upside down and she became melancholy. “Mr. Moon has a sad face,” she told me with a frown. I looked up again. It did seem to have a sad face. “Hmmm, well maybe he has something to be sad about. Does it make you think of anything?” I asked. She shrugged her shoulders. “Well,” I observed, “It makes me think of you.” Witney gave me a quick look and I just stared back at her. She rested her head on my shoulder and began to cry! I wrapped my arms around her and just held her.

After a few minutes, I felt the Spirit prompting me once again, and so I began to pray for her out loud. I asked the Lord to make Himself real to her, to show her His love, and to bring her to the saving knowledge of His death. It seemed as if the more I prayed the more she cried, and I knew that a spiritual battle was being waged for her soul at that very moment. We sat there for over thirty minutes as tears streamed down her face and mine. I prayed continuously, sometimes out loud and sometimes in my head. After she seemed to calm down I asked her if she had ever prayed before. She told me she hadn’t. “Well, Witney, you’ve told me that you can not persuade yourself to believe that God is real, but to be honest you are right… You can not persuade yourself. The Holy Spirit has to work in your heart and God’s love will do all the persuading that needs to be done. Maybe you should pray and ask God to show Himself to you. God is a gentleman. He will continue to knock on the door to your heart, but if you don’t open it He won’t force the door down. What do you think about that?” Witney looked at me and then looked down. She closed her eyes and we just sat there for a few more minutes. After a little while she looked and I asked her if she was ready to go back. She said she was, so we began to walk back to the hotel. I still don’t know if she prayed that evening, but I am confident that the Spirit was working in her heart either way.

Witney and I continued to become greater friend through the rest of week four and as it drew to an end we were both so thankful that we would have one more week together in Nanchang. It is so amazing to me how every time I set my mind on something looking one way, God changes it in such a way that it brings Him glory in ways I hadn’t even thought of! If anyone had asked me the Sunday before week four began what I wanted it to look like, I would have said that I wanted to spend my last week in Xi’an investing into the translators and strengthening the relationships I had built with the foreign staff. I am so thankful to the Lord that he gave me the opportunity to not only do those things, but to share His love with a girl who has a lot of emotional pain. I am even grateful that in His sovereignty He split the camps, providing me with more opportunities to be with Witney, and less distractions to prevent that relationship from growing strong! As I go into my last week in China I will be working in Nanchang (about a two hour plane ride from Xi’an), and Witney will be right there with me! May God use me to make Himself real to her.

Time Flies

Whew! It has been two weeks since my last post, and I feel like I haven’t written in ages. Week three of camp came and went faster than I ever thought it could! For the first time I was solely Translator Coordinator with no surprise jobs. On Monday afternoon the last group of children arrived from the Zhengzhou orphanage and a fun week began! Tuesday was the first trip to the pool and the kids had so much fun going down the waterslides and playing in the mini water park. For the first time, even I was able to get a chance to go down the slides! I took turns “borrowing” orphans from their volunteers so that I could take them down and it was quite a bit of fun. Wednesday morning we had pottery. Though many of the kids had mental disabilities (making it semi-impossible for them to work at the wheel and make a real pot or bowl), they still had an enjoyable time molding the clay into little figures and a few even made attempts at the pottery wheel. In the afternoon we all went to the Big Goose Pagoda fountain show and had a blast running through the water! Thursday was back to the pool and the kids left Friday morning. It was a very successful week and many lives were impacted! I was particularly exhausted after that week, but we had a low key weekend and I was able to get rested up in preparation for the last week of camp. I am amazed at how quickly time flew, and I am so thankful to God for the many opportunities He has given me in these past weeks to show love to the orphans and translators!