Bambi and Shilo

Well, the second week of camp is officially over! I got to experience camp through the eyes of a volunteer, and I learned a lot of lessons. Being a volunteer is definitely a lot of work, and to think that the translator’s job is even harder has grown a whole new respect for them in my heart. When I agreed to be a volunteer for the week, I had no idea what I was signing up for. The reality that a volunteer spends twelve hours a day joined at the hip to their orphan buddy for four days doesn’t hit home until you have experienced it yourself. I was so surprised at how exhausted I felt at the end of each day! Though it was tedious at times to not be allowed to leave Bambi’s side, it was such a rewarding experience. I was so blessed to spend time with Bambi and Shilo, and hopefully impacted them for Christ in a big way.

Bambi was a very interesting buddy to have because of her continual silence. She rarely spoke and Shilo and I struggled to understand her and her capabilities. At times she would stare at Shilo with a blank stare when she asked her to do something, and at others she would hop right to the task at hand as if it was no biggie. During the first couple days I tried really hard to get Bambi to speak to me, but she did not respond to me or Shilo’s gentle promptings to say something…. anything. When I realized that we weren’t going to get anywhere in the speech department, I shifted my focus to showing her the physical affection that she most likely misses out on at the orphanage. I gave her lots of hugs as well, as held her hand whenever we walked places, and she would glow with happiness. It was really precious how she would light up whenever Shilo and I would each take a hand and giggle as we walked. Though we were not able to talk about whether or not she was enjoying camp, the joy was evident on her face, and I know that she was happy for the few days that she was with us. I was so blessed to be able to be a part of her life during this last week, and really got to know Shilo through our mutual interest in Bambi’s life.

After Shilo arrived it didn’t take long to reach the conclusion that she was going to have a long week. She was very high maintenance, hard to please, and definitely NOT the ideal translator. When she complained about Natalie’s Chinese skills I felt sick… I knew that I would eventually meet a problem-translator like her, but I honestly didn’t expect it to be so soon! When Sam asked me to be her volunteer I was less than excited about the prospects… I expected it to be something of a nightmare. But God extends grace to those who are in need and I was definitely in need! By His mercy she was transformed in just a couple days from a snobby college student to a kind and compassionate big sister. She had been an only child her entire life, so this was her first experience caring for someone else. She learned how to be a good care-taker in a very short time and truly came to love Bambi. She would speak so gently to her and lovingly do anything to make Bambi comfortable. Then, on Wednesday we went to the mall to buy Bambi a blouse, and Shilo starting asking me about my faith. She asked all kinds of questions about Jesus, heaven, and what I thought about other religions. She had attended a Bible study for a time, so she had a lot of mature questions to ask. It was so exciting to get an opportunity to share Biblical truths with her and gently point her in the right direction. It was very touching when, at the end of the week, Shilo explained to me that the greatest impact this week’s camp had had on her was how everyone here was a “good Christian,” as she put it. She had met so many people at her university who claimed to be Christ-followers but were really only seeking glory for themselves, so when she saw the believers at camp serving Christ and loving Him with their actions she was deeply moved. On Friday night I wrote her a letter thanking her for her wonderful service at camp and in it I wrote, “I will continue to pray that you make that decision we talked about…” Later she came to me and said that maybe she would make the decision to follow Christ soon. I pray to God that she will come to the saving knowledge of His grace and that I will see her again one day in heaven.

I am so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to plant seeds of Christ’s hope and love in Shilo and Bambi’s hearts. They are such beautiful girls and I am confident that I will see them again one day. Please be praying for both of them as the Holy Spirit works in their hearts in the upcoming months and hopefully draws them to Himself!

Change of Plans

I came to China with very few expectations… Everyone’s stories were so different and unique! One of the comments I kept hearing over and over again was that I would be semi-sick of camp by the fourth week because of the tedious repetition. So, I came to China expecting each week to go more or less than same without many differences. Sure, there would be problems and obstacles to overcome, but the differences would still be within the mold of what camp was “supposed” to look like. Yet as I have begun yet another abnormal week of camp, I am starting to feel that I will not have time to get bored with any routine as each week of camp has proven to be anything BUT repetitive or monotonous.
As anybody who has been reading my updates knows, my first week of camp was very special and out-of-the-ordinary because of Fanfan. That was such a wonderful experience, but it certainly didn’t fit my or anyone else’s idea of what camp looks like. Now this week the BMH Xi’an camp team was confronted with another complication. Shilo, one of the translators, was unhappy to be paired up with Natalie, a volunteer, due to the fact that Natalie is fluent in Chinese. She asked to be given another partner in hopes of being able to practice her translating skills. This was just not possible due to the reality that everyone had already been paired and was adjusting to their assigned family groups. Sam decided that the next option was to make Natalie staff for the week and to choose one of the foreign staff to replace her. After talking to Valerie, Kait, Patti, and I, Sam reached the conclusion that it would be best for me to take on the role of volunteer and join Bambi (the orphan girl) and Shiloh’s family group. This was all decided Monday night, so I officially became Bambi’s volunteer this morning.
Bambi is a beautiful, sweet girl and is very obedient, but she is exceedingly shy and often pretends to not understand what Shiloh is saying to her. She didn’t say a single thing to me all morning! She was openly affectionate with hugs and would hold my hand, but no words. I was slightly discouraged after seeing her jabber away in clear, precise Chinese with the other orphans, but her behavior is all too common in children with attachment disorder. I have realized that she uses her speech as a means to control the relationships around her and to keep those whom she is unfamiliar with at a distance. She continued with her silent ways throughout the afternoon, but after a trip to the swimming pool she looked at me and said, “Jei jei,” which means big sister. She said a few more phrases to me throughout the evening, and each one was like a jewel. I can feel a bond growing between us that I am sure will only grow stronger during the next three days! I am so thankful to God for giving me this opportunity to be a ray of sunshine in her regularly dark world.
This week is not what I planned it to be, but God is in control and, as always, He has a better plan. Rather than distancing myself from the children and working solely with the translators as Translator Coordinator for all four weeks the Lord has provided me with heaps of opportunities to show love to His parentless children. I am quite certain that I will not feel that any of the next three weeks are repetitive as God is giving me a new and fresh perspective at each camp!

Pictures from Amanda

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Wo Ai Ni

Today was the last day of our first week of camp. Tomorrow at 7:45 a.m. the children will be off to the train station and the reality will set in that I will most likely never see them again. Tonight each family group got up during assembly and the volunteers got to read the letters that they had written to their orphan buddies. Some stood tall and serene, but most shoulders sagged under the weight of broken hearts as tears poured down their faces. I cried as I watched Cathy and Jane stand up with Fanfan, and I realized I was jealous. They had hardly seen her during the past three days… she was mine. I felt like I was the one who should be up there. But then Cathy tearfully began to read the letter that she had written. After she was finished, Jane attempted to translate what Cathy had said, but was overtaken with emotion and had to ask another translator to take over. By that point I was humbly repenting in my heart for being so ridiculous. We all loved Fanfan, and even though we each had different experiences and possibly even different kinds of love for her, we all wanted her to be happy. Fanfan started to cry as Sharon (the translator who took over for Jane) finished reading the translation. She hugged Cathy, who she had been rather cruel to during the past three days, and lovingly patted her hand. She understood that Cathy loves her, and that we all love her. After awards, letter reading, and limbo we had a cake fight! I have never had a cake fight before and it was loads of fun! Once all the kids went upstairs to shower, we staff had the fun task of cleaning up the cake, silly string, and confetti in the assembly hall. It took us about an hour to clean up the floor… the boys even started to joke that they were model Proverbs 31 women as they scrubbed the floor on their hands and knees. We had a fun time building memories as we danced to music with our brooms and mops as well as made up funny nicknames for each other.

As Michelle was tucking Fanfan into bed I stopped in their room. “Wo ai ni, Fanfan.” I said to her as I kissed her good night. “I love you, little sister.” “Wo ai ni, jie jie,” she answered. I stood their shocked. She had said she loved me. Up until that point, every time I told her I loved her she would shake her head no or roll her eyes. Tears welled up in my eyes and I left the room, my heart full of joy. God has so blessed me this week, and I am so thankful that He has given me this time with Fanfan and all the other kids. I know it will be a very sad time when we send them back to the orphanage tomorrow morning, but I prayerfully look forward to seeing them again… maybe not on this earth, but I am confident that we will sing praises to Jesus together in Heaven one day.

Beholding Beauty

This morning Michelle (one of our Chinese staff) and I officially took charge of Fanfan due to some issues. We took her out to ice cream and then to a park in a university. While we were there, I had some time to reflect about some things that God has been working on in my heart, and I jotted down some of my feelings in a notebook. This is what I wrote:

Today as I watch Fanfan run around with my camera snapping photos of passing strangers and giggling with glee the cliché statement that, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” comes to mind. The world looks at Fanfan and has marked her as worthless and ugly, but to me she is beautiful. As I think of my sinful nature, I realize that she is not beautiful to me because of what I have seen in her, but because of what the Holy Spirit has shown me about her. She is silly, independent, dramatic, and inspiring, but most of all she is a child of the Living God. In just two short days the Lord has opened my heart to pour out unconditional love on this rejected child who can give me nothing in return, and the Holy Spirit has given me such joy in the experience! Valerie (one of our BMH staff) read a verse out of I Corinthians 1 a few days ago that said to follow after Christ and fulfill His commandments is foolishness to the world, and I think many worldly people would say that investing a summer into orphans and five days into Fanfan IS foolishness because what is there to gain from a poor, handicap orphan? In their eyes I receive nothing, but as a follower of Jesus Christ I know better. The Holy Spirit is working in me the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, faithfulness, and gentleness, as well as teaching me a selfless love that is hard to understand. If I take away only this from my entire seven weeks in China, it will be enough.

Love Never Fails

It’s amazing how fast camp is going. Though it feels like yesterday, it has been four days since I sat with Patti as we went through the lists of translators, volunteers, and orphans and put them into family groups on paper. Then they arrived and very quickly became more than mere names on paper, and have developed into people I will remember for the rest of my life. My heart has grown heavy for the lost who have come to this camp as orphans and translators, and I rejoice with those who have found the straight and narrow. I do not remember ever feeling such deep sadness and overflowing happiness in such a short period of time. One source of both joy and sorrow is a sixteen year old girl named Zhang Fanfan.

Fanfan is mentally retarded and the most stubborn and independent child I have ever met. When she arrived on Monday afternoon, she immediately attached herself to one of our translators, Bruce, and would not let go. After a huge battle, one of our American staff, Jeff, was able to pry Fanfan off Bruce, but she was hysterical. If anyone tried to touch her she would kick, hit and try to bite them. Jane, her translator, was afraid to touch her or even to communicate what we asked her to say for fear of making her angrier. After a very long four hours, it was finally time for her to go to bed, and we left her in her room with Jane hoping that she would improve the next day.

Tuesday morning proved to be no better. Fanfan continued to scream at us for “Gaga,” which means “Big Brother.” It was quickly established that she was not emotionally stable enough to join in the group activities, and Jane and Kathy (her volunteer) spent the entire day trying to keep her entertained in her room. She continued to have bouts of screaming and crying, and would not be comforted by anyone. A couple times she even tried to run away from Jane and Kathy, so Jeff had to gently but firmly hold on to her from behind with her arms crossed to prevent her from hurting the people around her. Everyone involved was beginning to feel discouraged. Sam began to talk of the possibility of sending her back to the orphanage. Jane, who had been trying very hard to maintain composure throughout the day, finally said she wanted Fanfan to go because she was not happy. After everyone was in bed the staff held a meeting where we discussed what to do with Fanfan. We didn’t want her to feel like she was being punished, but at the same time she was clearly not enjoying the camp experience. After a long talk, Sam decided that we would give her one more day to improve, but if she didn’t get better we would have to send her home. I took on the responsibility of organizing activities to keep her occupied as we could not let her join the other campers because of the instability of her emotions. That night we all prayed fervently to our Heavenly Father to calm Fanfan’s spirit and to give her peace. Fast forward to Wednesday morning.

The staff was holding our morning meeting at 7 am, and all of a sudden Fanfan ran into the office… all SMILES! She ran around the room, giving everybody big hugs and then took off to play with bubbles. We all stood there shocked and gloriously happy. As I watched her I praised the Lord for His grace and asked that he would continue to work in her heart. She continued through the early part of the morning and was very easy going. At ten ‘o clock the rest of the campers left to go make pottery, and we decided it was best for me and Michelle (our amazing Chinese Camp Director) to stay at the hotel and see if she continued to be in such a good mood. As everybody walked downstairs, I had a little bit of time alone with Fanfan, and she became very upset. She wanted to be with everybody.

I felt pity for her, but it had already been decided that she was too emotionally unstable to go. Five minutes passed. She ran down the first of five flights of stairs and threw herself on the ground. As I sat there staring at her I had an idea what to do. I slowly opened my wallet and pulled out a five mao bill (the equivalent of about $0.60) and gave it to her. She stopped crying and looked at it wide eyed. She reached out her hand for more. I handed her a yuan (the equivalent of about $1.20). Fanfan’s face lit up into a big grin and she took off jogging down the stairs. Now, I am well aware that bribery is not generally a good means to control a child, but I was desperate! I happily ran after her and as we passed Michelle I called out to her to join us for a shopping trip and we all headed to the nearby convenience store. When we arrived I explained to her (through Michelle) that she was allowed to buy any two things. She quickly moved to the ice cream box and picked out two ice creams. After handing her the necessary cash to purchase her prizes she handed the money to the cashier and happily began eating her ice cream bar. That was the beginning of a wonderful four hours. After shopping for some medicine, Michelle and I took her on a picnic at the university and ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a beautiful park shaded by lots of trees. It was a very relaxing time as we sat there, taking in the beauty around us and exchanging smiles every minute or so. Once we had finished eating we gave her beads and string to make bracelets. She was very intrigued by the assortment of beads we had provided and began working intently on her first anklet. As I sat there staring at her I was overwhelmed by the girl that was sitting in front of me. She had been completely changed, and I couldn’t believe how different she was acting. Only God can receive the glory, for only God has the power to change a person so quickly.

While we watched her make the bracelets Michelle began to talk to her in Chinese. Usually she translates what she is saying for me, but in this instance she did not. All of a sudden Fanfan began to cry, and Michelle had tears flowing down her cheeks. I asked Michelle what she had said. She responded, “I told her that we love her because Jesus loves her, and that even though her parents reject her, and many people reject her, that Jesus still loves her and will always love her. But when I asked her if Jesus loves her, she says no. That is why she is crying. She does not think anybody loves her. That’s why I tell her that Jesus loves her. I want her to know we love her and that Jesus love her.”

At that moment I became so incredibly broken for Fanfan and for each of the orphans. How many children are living in this world absent of the knowledge that Jesus loves them? More than I want to admit. More than people like to talk about. It is a terrible realization to think about how many people are without the love of Christ, and so often we will go through daily life without even stopping to say, “Hey, Jesus loves you and I love you because He loves you. I don’t know how many times you have been rejected in this life, but Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you if you follow after Him.” I am so grateful that the Lord has made it possible for me to come to China and be reminded of His love… His unfailing, limitless love. My heart is tender as I move forward with an open mind to see what God has to teach me.

The Kids Have Arrived

Today the kids came!!! It was so amazing! I am exhausted, but it feels sooo worth it. Translator Coordinating has turned out to be a little bigger of a job than I expected... I didn't make the connection that by being in charge of the translators I am basically automatically a huge part of taking care of the orphans because the translators are their primary caretakers. I am having a great time though, and we have such a great team!!! Definitely be praying that God strengthens me during the next few weeks as my exhaustion increases ;-)
(from an email to home)